there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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