Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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