Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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