Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
