Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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