News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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