It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
