just tell him i said nine months
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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