I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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