guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize