Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
