You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
