I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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