Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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