What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
