i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
