I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
