i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
