You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize