I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
