I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
