I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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