I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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