she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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