i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
