God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
