It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
