You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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