there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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