he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
