ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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