i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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