it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
