I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
