i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize