Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
