Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So much rum. So many feels.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
