I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
