Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she smelled like a LAN party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
