i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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