yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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