I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
