Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
