bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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