Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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