i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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