So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
home. puking in laundry basket.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
