I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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