I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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