who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
