I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
