She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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