Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
