I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
