Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
