Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
