i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
