how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
