I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
