I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
