my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
