hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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