Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
