i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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