therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
