apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
