i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
what day is it and did you see me today?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize