she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
