you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
