Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
