i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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