I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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