my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
