Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
