Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
